It feels so good to have gotten back in the gym. It certainly couldn't have happened on a better day... I was ready to rip someone's head clean off their shoulders this morning. Uggghhh. Not exactly what I was shooting for... bright and shiny, not dark and twisty. Boo. I haven't been sleeping (probably from missing the gym- because I'm certainly ready for a nap now!) and I think it's making me moody. That and some of the complications that've come up for our vacation... I knew it was to be expected but it's still frustrating. I shouldn't, but I just feel like I go through enough on a daily basis, this ONE thing should just be a happy, pleasant experience. I know, I know... I'm dreaming. So as of now I have no idea what's going on or if we'll get to go. I shouldn't have to feel guilty for going to visit my husband for spring break, or for going with my friend. How is it not clear that when you get married, your spouse and children become your family and they come first? You don't need permission from the rest of your family anymore. Period.
So... 35 minutes of cardio. Not amazing, but I'm not ashamed either. I nearly fell asleep in the tanning bed afterwards. It's nice to be home in the afternoon, but it's making the day drag by as slowly as is possible.
Kegan is feeling 100% again.. he drove me absolutely nuts yesterday. What was he doing? Just being a boy. But I'm a girl, boys drive me crazy. haha. Just making obnoxious noises, bugging Emily (making her cry- which frustrated me even more) and just being a rowdy boy. I was counting the minutes till bedtime before dinner. Then I go to put Emily down and lay down on Kegan's floor to watch some of "Bambi" with him. First he brings me a pillow and then asks "Mommy, are you cold?" and before I could answer, he was covering me up with one of his blankets. Then brings his pillow and comforter and lays on the floor next to me. That moment made the whole stressful day disappear... all that was left was snuggling with my very sweet, loving little man. I should probably mention that my sweet, precious, "innocent" little girl now picks fights with her big brother and has even learned to shout "OUCH" while I'm driving (and she thinks I can't see her) and then fake cry trying to get Kegan in trouble. They shouldn't be able to get THAT smart at 2 1/2 years old. How in the world did THAT happen?! She just gives me eskimo kisses and "I love you, mommy"-s her way out of trouble. Go figure. I keep having to remind myself that it won't be like this for long- and when my perspective has been adjusted (sometimes multiple times a day), I'm just fine. I'm enjoying it while it lasts, that's for sure. Every day Kegan becomes more of a little man and I almost can't even find my little baby boy at all. Emily is getting there... talking more, pushing buttons (she was always the easy child for me). Then I think about the day in the not so distant future when they will start school and it already makes me want to cry.
What an emotional rollercoaster children take us on. I can't say I'm loving every minute, because I would be forced to out myself as a liar... but there are more happy moments than stressful ones. My goal for the rest of the week is to NOT let the challenges outweigh the blessings while I'm trying to fall asleep at night.
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