The only thing that I have ever successfully made in the kitchen is a mess.

Okay, so we decided to do some baking today. Kegan and I were singing and snuggling last night after Emily went to bed and I promised him that if he went all the way through them, we'd "bake" or make something in the kitchen together today. He did GREAT. Even if he hadn't, I'd still have let them help me. So we went to the gym (I kicked behind AND I met an older lady who I talked with while we lifted in the women's weight room) and then ran to walmart. Who knew that they made oreo icing?

Tell me it's not one of the greatest things ever invented?

I finally decided we'd do a frozen oreo pie!

Step 1: hand-washing is important.

all the ingredients/utensils ready to go!

Smashing those oreos! They used their spatulas.

Mama's helpers. :)

Stirring the pudding mix.

Stirring the oreos in after the pudding/milk set for 5 minutes.

Proud of our creation. :)

And licking the utensils. Waste not. :)

Voila! Freeze for several hours and serve.

For the recipe: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Chocolate-Crunch-Pie/Detail.aspx

What mom really wants to create MORE mess for herself to clean up? But when you prepare ahead of time, it's not so bad. And even if it WAS a huge mess to deal with, the memories and the things they learn are worth it. The smiles on my babies' faces were worth it. We're going to have to do this a lot more. :)

It was a good day.

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.  ~Fran Lebowitz

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.

So, my kids are 2 1/2 and almost 4 and are realllly starting to drive me bonkers. But, the cute things they do and say are also becoming more frequent. Kind of loving it. Last night I was sitting in K's room cleaning and sorting through every single one of his toys in all three of his toyboxes while we watched the original Toy Story together. This is the conversation that took place:

K-"Mom, will you take us to pizza planet right now?"
Mom- "No baby, it's late. We'll go someday with daddy."
K- "Daddy will take us tomorrow?"
Mom- "No, It'll be awhile before we can go."
K- "Daddy will take me. I'll cry about it."
Mom- "You're gonna cry to get what you want?"
K- [matter of factly] "Yep."

He doesn't cry to get what he wants, so this is truly hilarious. 

I have to think of things like this often because it's been pretty challenging lately. She's hitting that 2 1/2-3 fit throwing, independence seeking stage and he's learning new things (and new ways to back talk). I'd be fine dealing with them separately but they often form an alliance and I'm having to deal with it all at once. That combined with the big 2-4 only 10 days a way, I've been a little down. Not thrilled to be spending my birthday alone, be just a year away from 25 (5 years from 30!). Yeah, yeah... I'm young and I'm getting ahead of myself- I acknowledge that there are bigger reasons these things disburb me. I've put my life on hold to be with my babies and to support my husbands career. These things are worthwhile, my family is worth it. It doesn't mean I still don't have goals and things I'd like to accomplish. Ugh. I miss my love. Things are always happier, better and clearer when we're all together as a family.

So... Tangled comes out on Tuesday! Nebraska Furniture Mart has it for $9.99 for the first 300 guests (KS people!)... I will probably go with Target since they've got the 4 disc blu ray special edition and you get a free book with it. I'm excited! Probably more so than Em. ha.

Had an okay week.. finished season 6 of Grey's but I'm just going to wait till season 7 is on dvd and watch all the way through. Till then, I want to get season 1 and start all over... just because. We had a few playdates with our pseudo family and then met up on Thursday with mi madre and hermanas in
Topeka. Pics:

No one believes us that they're not only not twins, but not related at all.

Me, my babies and my sisters.

Mama and her two oldest babies.

"A woman under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood." -John Gray

Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there."  — Bob Marley


It wasn't a good day. K had a meltdown today and there was almost nothing I could do to stop it. It broke my heart. They're still exhausted and I can't MAKE them sleep. I am stuck in the hardest imagineable position... I need and should get rid of my dogs. I can't give them what they need because I'm hanging by a thread with everything else, but I believe that taking an animal in should be a lifetime commitment and not just given up lightly. In the end, the family and the kids come first. Problem solved. It just doesn't change the stress that will happen either way. I had a bad, emotional day and it was just made worse. I didn't want to be in the dark and twisty after LAST week being bright and shiny. I guess inconsistency is what's consistent.

I need the vault.

God Bless Texas.

If I didn't have dogs, I would NOT be going back home this weekend... I'd be buying us more clothes and staying exactly where we are.

The drive down wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be... I was exhausted after 2 1/2 hours, but after some coffee and amusing conversation, I was good to go till about 3 a.m. Jer picked us up at his exit at 3:30-ish and we were back here by 3:45- the kids passed out around 4:45 and I think we were out by 5:30. Of course, I couldn't sleep in even though I'd been up for 22 hours... so I was wide awake at 7:30. What is the deal? We got up and went exploring for a bit- I found Coach shoes at the Ft Hood PX for $12! I looooove them... and they were not only the last pair, but in my size. Meant to be? I believe so.

Bonus? They're THE most comfortable shoes I've ever worn.

We hung out at Jer's apartment (the kids took a nap) so he could go into work for a meeting before we headed to Cibolo (near Sea World). The kids snuggled up so sweetly together. 

Headed out. :)

We got stuck in crazy traffic (I have a newfound respect for my husband and his driving afterwards) but eventually made it to his aunt and uncle's house... we visited and crashed semi-early since we'd only had 2 hours of sleep. I went garage sale shopping with them the next morning while Jer and the kids slept in and got ready... found some pretty cute stuff AND got to go to the Randolph AFB commissary, which was huge and way nicer than ours! The whole experience makes me realize that there's a much larger, more exciting world outside of Leavenworth, which is where I've spent 98% of my life. We lived in Olathe for a year and Kansas City for 2 years... plus vacations (FL, CA, TX, AR, CO, NM, etc). I've always been in our tiny town. I've never gotten to really experience anything else... and I have finally reached a point in my life where I'm ready to take that leap. I want to take that leap. The only thing keeping me away from here is our dogs, we can't have them here. I found a home for Jack, if the lady calls me this week. I need something to work out... because more than anything, this is where I want to be now.

Sea World was AMAZING. We ran a little late getting there, parking was expensive, the lines to get in were insane and by the time we RAN to make it to the 12:30 Shamu show, all the craziness melted away. Those whales are absolutely beautiful. I've never seen an animal so amazing.... till we fed the dolphins that is. :) Jer and I took Kegan on his first water rollercoaster and Em stayed with my friend and her little girl. We were both pretty proud of him.

We had an amazing time with our friends and our family. Love them all. :) After we left Cibolo, we stopped at the Tanger outlet at San Marco and it was AMAZING. The disney store outlet and the Coach outlet were awesome! We drove the rest of the way through, picked up some dinner and finally made it home just after 8. I wish I could say we all crashed, but the kids napped in the car so we were up after midnight. This daylight savings thing is finally kind of kicking my behind. lol.

Spoiled, sleepy, happy babies.

It was a GREAT weekend. More to come. :)

Only by acceptance of the past, can you alter it.

"Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around; Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow." -- Grey's Anatomy (S5 finale)

I'm not a weak person. I may not have always been as strong as I was capable, but I've never been weak. But today when I watched the finale of season five, I curled up in a ball and cried like a friggin' baby. Yeah, it's a show... whatever. It's given me crazy dreams the last few weeks but I enjoy it for what it is, entertainment. But, there's something to it. When you love someone, tell them. You never know when it could be the last time you speak, and you don't want to wonder if your loved ones KNEW how much you cared about them. It's just so sad. :(

It's been a busy week and stuff. Getting ready to head to TX to visit the hubby soon (assuming everything goes according to plan at this point)... really looking forward to sea world and just getting out of this town. Not having to think about the every day stresses or deal with anything... change of scenery and all that jazz.

I need sleep. Taking Em to the doctor in the morning if she's still stuffy and uncomfortable. These next two days are going to fly by and I'm scrambling and running out of time... ahhh. Step back, breathe and remember to enjoy it.

Life's like a novel with the end ripped out.

It feels so good to have gotten back in the gym. It certainly couldn't have happened on a better day... I was ready to rip someone's head clean off their shoulders this morning. Uggghhh. Not exactly what I was shooting for... bright and shiny, not dark and twisty. Boo. I haven't been sleeping (probably from missing the gym- because I'm certainly ready for a nap now!) and I think it's making me moody. That and some of the complications that've come up for our vacation... I knew it was to be expected but it's still frustrating. I shouldn't, but I just feel like I go through enough on a daily basis, this ONE thing should just be a happy, pleasant experience. I know, I know... I'm dreaming. So as of now I have no idea what's going on or if we'll get to go. I shouldn't have to feel guilty for going to visit my husband for spring break, or for going with my friend. How is it not clear that when you get married, your spouse and children become your family and they come first? You don't need permission from the rest of your family anymore. Period.

So... 35 minutes of cardio. Not amazing, but I'm not ashamed either. I nearly fell asleep in the tanning bed afterwards. It's nice to be home in the afternoon, but it's making the day drag by as slowly as is possible.

Kegan is feeling 100% again.. he drove me absolutely nuts yesterday. What was he doing? Just being a boy. But I'm a girl, boys drive me crazy. haha. Just making obnoxious noises, bugging Emily (making her cry- which frustrated me even more) and just being a rowdy boy. I was counting the minutes till bedtime before dinner. Then I go to put Emily down and lay down on Kegan's floor to watch some of "Bambi" with him. First he brings me a pillow and then asks "Mommy, are you cold?" and before I could answer, he was covering me up with one of his blankets. Then brings his pillow and comforter and lays on the floor next to me. That moment made the whole stressful day disappear... all that was left was snuggling with my very sweet, loving little man. I should probably mention that my sweet, precious, "innocent" little girl now picks fights with her big brother and has even learned to shout "OUCH" while I'm driving (and she thinks I can't see her) and then fake cry trying to get Kegan in trouble. They shouldn't be able to get THAT smart at 2 1/2 years old. How in the world did THAT happen?! She just gives me eskimo kisses and "I love you, mommy"-s her way out of trouble. Go figure. I keep having to remind myself that it won't be like this for long- and when my perspective has been adjusted (sometimes multiple times a day), I'm just fine. I'm enjoying it while it lasts, that's for sure. Every day Kegan becomes more of a little man and I almost can't even find my little baby boy at all. Emily is getting there... talking more, pushing buttons (she was always the easy child for me). Then I think about the day in the not so distant future when they will start school and it already makes me want to cry.

What an emotional rollercoaster children take us on. I can't say I'm loving every minute, because I would be forced to out myself as a liar... but there are more happy moments than stressful ones. My goal for the rest of the week is to NOT let the challenges outweigh the blessings while I'm trying to fall asleep at night.