“Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever... it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything.”
My husband gives me a -really- hard time, and to be honest, it's not easy to admit it. I have... give or take 20,000 photos on facebook. No where near what's on my collective phones, cameras and laptop. But that's a big number for less than 5 years.
I was one of those "I'm a new mom and I have to snap a picture of every single cute thing my kids do" people. They're 15 months apart and went through milestones really close together... LOTS of pictures. Add in all the stupid "shares", photos of nothing particularly important and the blurry shots that I just never take the time to go back and delete. I'm not sorry though. They're memories. The thing about pictures is that people change. I have great pictures with people who were really important to me, and now we're BARELY acquaintances. I have pictures from 20 years ago that are still precious to me- the people in them and the memories that go along with it. Even though my kids are getting older and growing every day, I have pieces of paper (and digital images) with memories of them when they were teeny tiny. I have pictures of their first teeth, first haircut, first steps... every birthday, every party. Even a lot of details. It seems excessive, right? Too much, maybe? I disagree. Life has taught me several important lessons, these particular few, in the last 10 years. Life is short and people die. And when they die, all their memories die with them- unless those memories can be shared. By word of mouth- family member to friend/family, etc. Or by photos.
With a picture, a story has potential to last many years beyond the person in the photograph. You always think "I'll see them later", "I'll talk to them next time" or "I have plenty of time to do this or that with my kids". I made that mistake with my great grandparents, and one morning I woke up and one was gone... two weeks after that, the other. Even more recently, our family lost a loved one who should've had a lot more time. We caught ourselves thinking "We'll take more pictures next time". Now there won't be a next time. And when people are gone, you will always wish you had more pictures. More memories. More mementos. It's never going to be as good as having that person, but it's something to hold onto. Something to help you remember when you start to forget little things that you take for granted when you see someone every day.
I have days like everyone else (More than I'll admit to you, that's for sure) that I wake up and think "ew, my hair" or "I feel bloated today" or "Yep, definitely don't look like I slept last night." I don't want to be in a picture... I'll happily stay behind the camera and snap pictures of my beautiful children. Then I wonder what if? What if something happened and my kids had to grow up without me or my husband? We're not promised tomorrow. I could fall out of bed, hit my head and never wake up. That's morbid and I'm not really going to go there... the point is, my kids deserve to have pictures of their mother being involved in their lives. They may or may not remember the vacations we've taken, trips to the zoo, hikes, beach days, etc. I can look back at pictures of my girl scout father daughter dance... my dad hates country music. Always has, always will (I'm sure of it). He dressed up in cowboy boots and took me to that father daughter dance anyway. There are photographs of my grandma and I washing dishes, baking, etc. A picture of my grandfather holding me as a tiny baby walking towards the sunset... he did it every day after work. Showed me trees and clouds and flowers. I love these stories and memories. I love that my dad went out of his comfort zone for me. I love that my grandma gave me her time and shared her stories and experiences with me... that's something my mother never did. I love knowing that even though my grandpa is a super-serious guy most of the time, who has never been particularly affectionate, he was soft and loves us even when he doesn't verbalize it. I love that my kids will have that. I enjoy being able to SHOW them when they ask me about something. "What was it like when I was in your tummy"? I have ultrasounds and pregnancy photos with journals of what I was craving, what made me sick. I have photos of every stage of their lives and all the changes that have occurred as they grow. Anyone who's had or been near a newborn baby can tell you... that they change completely even in the few weeks after they're born. So by the time my kids are 4 and almost 6, it's easy to forget the soft baby hair and the chubby cheeks. I see my son with his missing tooth and have to force myself to remember what it was like when it was the other one around.. at one time he was so tiny, he only HAD one tooth. It's easier for me to watch my kids grow up when I know that I try my best to appreciate them to the fullest. How could you not? They drive me crazy just as much as the next mom... but you have to make the I love you's and the happy times count for more than the days you want to rip your hair out. For the record, I record those days too. The day my daughter put an entire roll of toilet paper IN the toilet. When K-monster used purple finger nail polish to paint his brand new, $100 buzz lightyear dresser. And at the time, it was a nightmare. Now I look back and giggle. Because they are my babies, and that's part of what makes them who they are.
I love pictures. I love taking them, looking at them, scrapbooking them, sharing them with family and friends. Maybe it's my love language. But I think they're important, and I don't want to have regrets. I want to be 80-something years old and look back at a life full of memories, and pass them on to share with our kid's kids.
Ironically, this is my post without any pictures. :)
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