Some days are for living. Others are for getting through.

"I can be selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

[I should preface that this isn't because of something that was said to me, or something that happened. Just something that's bothered me over the course of several months as a result of things I've read/heard from others. NOT directed at me particularly.]

 Since when does saying you had a bad day translate to "whiney" or "ungrateful"? Last I checked, everyone has them, and everyone complains once in awhile. This world would be full of mistrust if everyone pretended life was peachy ALL the time because it would mean a lot of lying, correct? So WHAT? I have 2 toddlers and a husband in the military... I get to be a mess sometimes. Don't judge me. I love my children, they fill my heart with every happy emotion in existence. My husband is a truly wonderful man and I am proud to stand behind him. That said, doesn't it make MORE sense to just admit when things aren't okay and allow someone to be there for you? Or just admit it and be left alone to feel better without being expected to smile it off? I'm thankful my husband is safe and sound. I'm thankful that if we need him, he can be here and that he can be home for holidays, etc. I'm thankful for his love and devotion to our family and his service to this country. I'm thankful that our kids are healthy and happy and that I have the opportunity to be with them every day. But they're also fragile in a world of chaos, and that's terrifying. They're also 2 and 3... curious, mischievous and a mess most of the time. I'm stressed by this entire situation and I cry sometimes. That doesn't mean it's awful, doesn't mean I can't handle it. It doesn't mean I don't support my husband in his service. It means I'm human. It means I love them with everything I have, but I fall short of being a perfect wife or mom. I'm blessed to have married someone who accepts me for all of these things and loves me in spite of them. For children who love unconditionally and forgive when I make those first-time-mom mistakes.

I think the solution for days like this one might just be a cup of hot tea and a good book. Harry Potter, take me away....

Time is the only thief we can't get justice against.

"There is one pain I often feel, which you will never know. It's caused by the absence of you."

I can never get enough of these family weekends. There's never enough time to be wasted on petty things, so we enjoy every single moment. I am so blessed to have a husband that would drive 10+ hours just to be with us for a few days knowing he would have to make that same drive only 3 days later. The traffic, mileage and exhaustion he endures only demonstrate his love for his family. But we really made the most of those days... saw both sides of our family on Thanksgiving and just savored our time together. I can't believe it was our 5th Thanksgiving together! My neighbor loaned me one of her kids to babysit at our house that night so J and I could black friday shop and have some one on one time together. It was frigid and he took such good care of me. Of course, it would be my favorite shopping day of the year and the only day I really, truly splurge that I'd catch Em and K's stomache flu. At 12:40 there was already a 30 person long line at Target, which opened at 4 a.m. I really wanted that kitchen for Em, so I wasn't about to back down... but I'd be lying if I said I brought my a-game. These people were camped out in layers with snuggies, thermoses, blankets and lawn chairs. No joke. I wore a cami, 2 shirts, a hoodie and some gloves. J left and brought me a blanket, some more gloves and a hat... and proceeded to stand in the cold for an hour and a half while I sat in the car trying not to get sick. Why yes, I have THE best husband in the world. We didn't get home till almost 5 a.m., though it only took us 20 minutes to get in and out of Target with everything on the list plus a few extras. Rock ON!

He even got out of bed with the kids at 9 a.m. and let me sleep till 11-something. Honestly, there's not a single thing I've done in my LIFE to deserve how wonderful he can be. Friday we got our tree (a real one!) but I was still dealing with my flu bug so, thanks to my spectacular hubs, the tree got put up and the lights got put on it. We saved the ornaments for Saturday evening, got some phenomenal family photos and concluded an overall fabulous family weekend.



When I start to feel sad that he has to go back, I remember the families who have to spend these holidays away from their husbands and wives and children who are serving our country. I'm so thankful for those men and women, their families, and for my husband. Our great nation wouldn't be what it is without their sacrifices. It was great to have him home and I'm grateful he was here with us.

Now it's back to the daily grind. I've set some goals for myself this time around... giving up my "instant gratification" complex for a healthy lifestyle that will (hopefully) stick this time. Slow and steady wins the race and all that jazz. Got to face the DMV and get the car tags dealt with and then I've got an appointment at the gym to discuss a membership. Stepping in the right direction, I hope... one step towards taking myself off the back burner. :)

Is it the weekend yet?

Welcome.

And so it begins. Back when myspace was cool, I blogged religiously about anything and everything. Looking back, some of it just didn't need to be said or documented- but there are also events I'm thankful to look back on. I love staying home and enjoying every (well, almost) single moment with my children and being present for every milestone. However, with two so close together, I would be lying if I said it didn't become a blur at times. Sometimes I feel like I should be writing it all down and documenting every single thing in their baby books. The moment I sit down to do so, there's hot pink chalk on the wall or someone has climbed up onto something they cannot get down from... so, this is my middle ground. Possibly a reference for the day I have time to sit down and catalog thousands of photographs and insert dates for the "first tooth" or finish a scrapbook. Till then, I'll record the day to day... adorable, horrible and everything in between here and from behind my camera. Meet the cast: :)

My husband, my hero.

Kegan, the idea guy.

Emily, the ornery.