"Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand."

I had a moment with my little girl tonight that I honestly didn't think would come for several years. She struggles mildly with her speech articulation. Great vocabulary, understands what you are saying to her, she just has to train her tongue with certain sounds. She's made and continues to make excellent strides with a great teacher and practice. She barely qualified for speech classes because it was so mild. But still, people underestimate her.

Sometimes I think I make my kiddos littler than they are. I know they are sweet and smart and thoughtful in their own way. But I guess I also don't think them likely to ponder life's big questions. I was wrong. 

Emily and I are outside getting the patio ready for s'mores and she said "remember when we made s'mores with my papa and nana?" I said I did and she got quiet like she was thinking and said "mommy? Do you have a mom?" I told her yes and she said "what's she called?" I said her name... And she said "um, is she my grandma?" I am in awe of her. No articulation problem. She knew exactly what she wanted to ask and she said it. It stings... I won't lie. I have asked myself that same question many times. DO I have one? Obviously someone carried and delivered me into this world... But she isn't my mom in the sense that I am a mom to my kids. And my sweet girl knows the difference. Maybe I'm doing something right…

                                      

I feel sad for her that she's not even 5 and put that together completely on her own. She's 3 months shy of five years old and she KNOWS who comes in and out of her life. Maybe they learned that from having a daddy in the military. They know he loves them and wants to be with them, but that it's not always possible for him to be. I wish I could protect them from knowing that they have family who is rarely around for them, but at the same time I am SO proud of them for making those connections on their own. At 4 and 6 they know that it's not about gifts or cards every other year... It's about who is ALWAYS there. Even when they're not able to be. They understand that people come in and out of their lives when it's convenient for them and they understand who is always there for them. And I'm so glad that my dad married someone who is so wonderful with them, who took them in and loves them like her blood. I'm thankful that because of her, they will understand the love of a grandmother the way I have/do. Who makes sure they know how important they are, always. Who gives them her time and really shows them that they are valuable to her. From personal experience, that is irreplaceable. It's the kind of mom I strive to be. At the same time it makes me sad that they have already figured out that some people are only in their lives half of the time, if that and by choice. I hope they don't dwell on it for long, it is hurtful and I only want them surrounded by love. In a perfect world, right?

I hope everyone had a great Father's Day weekend! Wish I could have spent time with mine. I am fairly sure that my husband had a pretty good one. We grilled, enjoyed family time, had s'mores and made most of our one day together before he is back to work. I should add… That won't we were enjoying our s'mores, a giant spider decided to land on my arm. We turn on a light to kill it with fire and discover a black widow in a grab directly behind us. I scrubbed off about a layer of my skin… But it still creeps me out! Tomorrow I start working with my kids preparing them for school. Lots of beach and playtime planned for the summer, but I don't want them to get too out of the school habit! What are everyone's summer plans? Our big plans include sea world, San Diego zoo and our last Disneyland day!

The trick is to enjoy life. Don't wish away your days waiting for better ones ahead.

"Telling someone they shouldn't be upset because someone might have it worse is just like telling someone they shouldn't be happy because someone else has it better. Don't be condescending, everyone fights their own battles."

Elaborating a little... and I'm already off track in my head, so bear with me.

I enjoy Pinterest. You might say I love it... Like just about everyone else who has an account, I find myself pouring over it pinning all the things I "should" be doing. Things I "will" do "someday." Going strictly off of pinterest... I should have a perfectly clean, organized house full of things I DIY-ed, while maintaining insane workout routines,  having perfect hair, quoting witty sayings, making gourmet meals with food that I got for free from extreme couponing while crafting WITH professional pictures of it all while juggling my perfectly behaved children.

Um, what?

Seriously, I'm going to apply most of those things to my life at some point. Hopefully. Maybe. Probably not. I'll try... but why? Because it's fun? To feel fulfilled? To impress other people? To live up to an expectation set by... who? We are too hard on ourselves and each other as women. Do I respect women from older generations who DID all these things? Absolutely. They fed their kids and made everything from complete scratch, made their clothes, kept their houses spotless... and times were MUCH simpler. Less distractions, it was the norm. Have you seen the some card (I can't find it, boo!) that says "Where is the cooking show with a screaming child at your feet while you try to microwave a vegetable?" True THAT! My kids are too old to cry at my feet while I'm cooking... they've progressed to "is it done yet?" *pause* "Is it done NOW?" and when I finally say "yes"... "Um, I'm not eating that." Face palm. You liked it last week child, eat.

I am all about trying to be Supermom. That's what I strive for. But sometimes I just want to breathe. Let my house just go for a day and do something else instead. Feed them a happy meal (not an actual happy meal though, Mickey D's has lost my business with their pink slime). Wear my messy bun and not put it on the side of my head to make it appear that I actually tried. Do I enjoy crafts? Just as much as the next girl! But I enjoyed them a lot more when I was doing them, not organizing them and then scrubbing finger paint off the floor and other random surfaces. I think it's important for them to experiment and to learn by doing these things, but I don't want to feel like it needs to be done every single day. Structure is important... but so is freedom to play and use your own imagination. I am JUST learning to make a lot of things from scratch... when your kids are 15 months apart, you kind of get by teaching yourself to do things as quickly, cleanly and as painlessly as possible. If you don't, someone's going to probably get hurt. Or you'll end up picking 200 dvds up off the floor and wiping unknown substances from the walls. So I used the short cuts and I don't apologize for it. My kids are 4 1/2 and 6... no major emergencies or hospitalizations or broken anything. I do NOT apologize for short cuts, they're my friends. I avoid HFC (high fructose corn syrup), my kids aren't allowed soda, we eat as much fresh fruit and veggies as possible... but I hate anything that requires flour so bisquick is a staple. I like the frozen pillsbury biscuits. Processed food? No bueno. But in small amounts, I let it slide.

Do we NEED to juggle it all? Probably not. Do we try? Sure. Is it good enough? For who? As long as it's enough for my husband and kids, I'm only answering to God and the person in the mirror. It's good enough and where it's not, I'm working on it. People are always going to judge you. No matter who you are, where you are or what you're doing. And honestly, people may be nosy, but I doubt MOST people (not all, there are some major creepers/stalkers out there) actually care if you made bread from scratch or used a mix. Unless they want your recipe. :)

I think I am finally at the age where I don't care if people think my life is perfect. I don't need to have all the answers. I don't NEED to be SuperMom (I still want to though, don't judge me). I am just content. If I order the stuff in my house from etsy, who cares if I didn't make it myself? I supported someone else's business and spent that time with my kids instead. If I DID decide to make it myself, wouldn't you say I earned time to myself to do something I enjoy? If I make a box of hamburger helper or buy my kids a fast food meal, the sky isn't going to fall. Would I make a habit of it? No. But things don't need to be perfect all the time. I blame social media, and I've been guilty of it.... but why can't people just mind their own business? Particularly people who don't actually know you in any way. But being associated with someone doesn't give them a right to tell you how to live either. I have my hands full enough with my own life to spend time and effort obsessing over how someone else lives theirs. Being there for friends would be an obvious exception, I'm talking about meddling in the lives of those who haven't given you permission to do so.

What about the new mom who's baby is crying for long periods of time? Does it bug some people? Maybe. But you don't know her story, mind your business. The people who put their kids on a "leash"...? Everyone has an opinion. I certainly did. "They're kids, not dogs, they shouldn't be on leashes. Raise them right." Then I HAD a kid of my own. K was easy and no problem, but you had better believe the ONE and only time my very young at the time daughter let go of my hand for half a second and a car drove past, I bought one of those "leashes". I didn't yank her around, I held her hand and if she wanted to let go, I stayed close to her. But if she TRIED to get too far away in a danger zone, she couldn't. It truly kept her safe several times when she attempted to move away while I was juggling something in or out of the car. It's not for all the time, but you have to be in a situation to know how you'd handle it. The toddler acting out in the grocery store? Yeah, we all say we would handle it differently. You spank them, people stare. (Or where I live now, I hear they call CPS) You try to ignore the behavior, people stare and wonder why you're not doing anything. Maybe that toddler is having a hard time because their dad is deployed. Maybe their mom just got a new job and had to leave them with a sitter. Maybe they're tired. Maybe they lack the verbal skills to communicate what's bothering them. Maybe they don't feel good and their single parent doesn't have a choice but to bring them to the store for their medicine. Who knows? If no one is in danger, it's nobody's business.

It's almost like we are holding ourselves and others to an unrealistic standard and pushing like crazy to meet a standard that's really not set by anyone who even matters. I'm trying to make menu plans and coupon and driving myself crazy to get the best deals, etc. And my kids and husband would honestly be happy with cereal for dinner once a week. Obviously not realistic for nutritional purposes, but it alleviates a lot of pressure to be aware of that.

Point... don't be so hard on yourself. Do your best and that's all you or anyone can ask. It's good enough. I wish I hadn't taken SO long to figure that out.

End rant. :)