Love your story.

This is a tough one for me to share, like most people, I prefer to wrestle my demons in private. My friend shared a photo recently that said...

"Talk to yourself like you would someone you love."


I was raised to believe, and do believe that God created each of us in His image. We are perfectly made by Him, we are all beautiful and unique and amazing in our own way and we are all on this earth for a reason. No matter your race, no matter your age, size, hair color... whatever... you were designed by God and are special.

All that said, 6 months ago... I based the worth of myself as a human being by how much I weighed and what I saw when I looked in the mirror. I was not happy. I was upset with myself and to this day, I'm just not sure what happened. I don't know if I just needed to do what I wanted, if I lost my mind or if there was more going on. I drank WAY too much soda and seriously over indulged in whatever I wanted. I would never look at someone I love and think they needed to lose weight. I would never think the things about them that I was thinking about myself. Didn't stop me from thinking those things when I looked in a mirror or tried on clothes and constantly at random moments throughout my day. It was a bit of a self-loathing obsession. I had given up on myself- I kept doing what I was doing because I never thought I would ever be able to do it, I felt hopeless. If someone I loved said that to me- I would argue with them. I would build them up and tell them they are capable of anything they wanted to do.

WHY do we do that? To ourselves, other people? For a world who talks so much about tolerance for any and everything (not that I agree or condone that in all aspects), where is the love for ourselves? And how can we expect others to love us if we don't do the same? I'm not talking about being self-absorbed, but acknowledging that you're valuable as a human being regardless of what you look like, what your talents are or anything else. Are there people out there who I think the world would be better without them? Possibly.. Murderers, pedophiles, etc. But they have souls and that's not MY place to judge. They will answer to God one day for their decisions as I will answer for mine. Personally, I have my hands too full wrestling my own demons to criticize how someone else handles theirs.

6 months ago I wasn't happy with myself. I had told myself countless times I would change my life. It lasted at most a month or two and then I would either gradually or rapidly go back to unhealthy habits. I had a little bit of help when I got influenza from my son and lost roughly 12 lbs in a week or so. But I only gave up dark sodas so it didn't take long between traveling (moving) and drinking sugary drinks, etc to gain back most of what I'd lost. Then I decided it was time to stop faking it, gave up soda completely, started watching my portion sizes and trying to eat healthier.I'm not as diligent as I should be with my exercise, that's a goal- but I actually made solid, consistent changes. Down 15 pounds and almost 2 pant sizes later.... I can vouch that it changes how you feel about yourself, how you carry yourself and how those things make you treat others differently. If you're not happy with yourself, how can you be happy with someone else? I feel accomplished. Not where I want to be yet, but certainly a lot closer. I can't really SEE a huge difference, but I can feel it in how my clothes fit. I feel more balanced, if that makes sense. I don't wake up feeling bloated or hating myself for whatever I consumed the day before. I'm not the insecure mess I used to be- I still have my days but I'm on my way to something better. For me, for a long life with my soul-mate and watching our babies grow into who they are meant to be. Because I can.

This is at my husband's promotion ceremony, at my heaviest weight (which I will not share until I'm ready, but someday).... and the second picture is from last week at -13 lbs. Almost exactly 6 months later. I wish I had measured inches on my arms, waist, legs, etc. I even wish I had taken more pictures from "Before" because I feel like it would help me give myself more credit for where I am now. But, I wasn't keen on having my photo taken then... and I wouldn't have at all had it not been my husband's promotion ceremony. I'm glad I have those. I'm glad I can look back and see what I never want to be again.

Never give up on who you want to be. Whether it's a fitness goal, an educational goal, personal goal, professional goal... just do it. Don't make excuses, do it. Pure and simple. No one can hold you back except for you. I'm going to take a break from these until I can hit my -20 or -25 lb mark. My goal is to start exercising and toning- ready for an active summer in this gorgeous, sunny state. I have a lot to learn and a long way to go... but I'm closer than I was. Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me and who continues to push me on this journey. I am grateful.